


Not Again

by UniversePepperland



Series: You Make My Heart Sing [1]
Category: Mass Effect, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Drama, F/M, LET'S DO SOME DRAMA, S O YEAH HOPE YOU ENJOY IT, i had this in my folder for.................days, like i had no idea how to do it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 12:50:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10514112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UniversePepperland/pseuds/UniversePepperland
Summary: After dealing with Akksul,Ryder has a breakdown.





	

Samantha looked down at her drink, staring at the bright drink with a somber look.She was alone in the Vortex, it was late, she wasn’t needed until next morning and fuck she needed to drink.

She had just got back from dealing with Akksul and the Roekaar.Fuck, fuck what the hell was Jaal thinking?What the hell was SHE thinking?She always went with her gut instead of her mind, she should’ve pulled the fucking trigger.What if Akksul hadn’t missed the shot?

She was extremely upset.With herself mostly.She downed her drink in one gulp, clenching her eyes at the bitter taste, “Fuck.” It had been a while since she had alcohol, “600 years.” She snorted, answering her own thoughts. 

Samantha hasn’t spoken to Jaal since they left Havarl.He was spending time with his family, so she chose not to interrupt and walked back to the Tempest, completely shaken. Vetra saw her, even placed a hand on her shoulder asking if she was alright, but the human just waved it off with humor.That was her defense for every situation.

“ _Pathfinder_.” SAM’s voice echoed in her brain, making the black haired woman groan while downing another shot, “ _Jaal is looking for you._ ”

“Oh, really?” she frowned, “Why is that?”

" _Unknown._ ”

Rolling her eyes and leaning back in her seat, Samantha asked for another round, making the asari bartender frown, “Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”

“Unless I am passed out and vomiting all over, I am not done.” She said,”Now pour it in.” The Asari, what was her name again?Eh, never mind, she wouldn’t even remember it in the morning, the asari reluctantly poured another shot, filling to the brim with bright liquor. Samantha hummed pleasantly, downing the shot by snapping her head back.

“ _Pathfinder._ ”

“Uuugh, what SAM?” she snarled, licking the remnants of liquor in the bottom of her cup.

“ _I’ve informed Jaal of your location._ ”

She coughed, dropping the cup and thanking the gods it was made of metal and not glass because that’d be a mess to clean, “What?Why?!”

“ _He was insistent on talking to you._ ”SAM replied almost innocently, “ _And you’ve been drinking asari liquor for the past hour.It is not good for your organism.”_ Oh, never mind.

Samantha’s vision was blurry, “Shit.” She groaned, looking at the bartender with a pleading look, “One more.” She began,”And make it violent.I might need the punch.”

As if it was magic, Jaal appeared in the bar.He stood out like a sore thumb considering he was one of the few angara there and he towered over most.He looked around for her, his eyes lighting up when he saw her hunched over form against the bar, “Ryder!” he called, frowning when she looked at him with glassy eyes, “Am I interrupting?”

“Nooooo,” she slurred, forcing to use her elbow as support before turning her torso towards him, a sleepy smile on her face, “What’s up?SAM said you wanted to chat.”

Jaal’s eyes lit up again, sitting next to her and completely ignoring her inebriated state, “I wanted to thank you.” He smiled sincerely, “For trusting me.”

Ah, shit.

She had forgotten about that ordeal already.Now he was here, with those bright blue eyes and deep voice, talking as if she saved the fucking day, “Oh, you are welcome.” she replied quietly, sighing deeply, “Just...doing my job I guess.” What if the shot hadn’t missed.What if it hadn’t missed?What if he died in front of her because she wasn’t able to defend him?

Jaal stared at her, then at the line of glass shots in front of her, “You’ve...been drinking.”

“Yep!” she announced, making a pop sound on the ‘p’ “I have.” Her voice was starting to break, the emotions inside of her mixing the asari alcohol, making her curse in her brain.

Jaal stared at her with a somber look, "Are you alright, Ryder?" he asked, placing a large hand on her wrist.Shit, she thought, don't do that.But he kept his hand there, his thumb even caressed the little bone that connected the wrist to her arm, big eyes worried.

"I am fine." her voice was choked up, stuffy. She couldn't have a breakdown in a bar, in the Nexus, with everyone who looked up to her seeing what of a wuss she was.Losing her mind with something stupid as that. She slapped the credits on the counter, fixing her jacket, standing up and marching out, leaving a shocked Jaal inside.Outside the bar, she leaned against a wall, noticing the tears already welling up, "Shit, shit, shit!" she whimpered, raising her shirt to wipe them away only to smear her eyeliner all over the gray Initiative shirt.

"Ryder!" she heard his voice call, his steps getting closer and closer until he appeared in front of her, "Ryder...what is the matter?" he frowned, "You've run away before-are you crying?" Jaal's huge form loomed over hers, his hands cupping her cheeks.Blue eyes meeting blue eyes, although hers were shining with hot tears.

The look on his face, the pity look she hated so much.She hated crying in front of people, and crying in front of Jaal seemed to be way worse. He wiped the tears away with his thumbs, "Stop." she tries to yank her head away, not knowing how to deal with so many emotions.Anger, sadness, shock, everything was coming to her in waves she couldn't really stop, "Jaal,stop,please."

"Why are you crying?" he asked quietly, "I...I have never seen you cry."

She let out a bitter laugh, "Yeah, it's not a thing I made a habit of." Samantha sniffed, silently thanking him when he let her go but he stayed close to her.Probably in case she had another moment.

"...are you upset with me, Ryder?"

She sucked in a sudden breath, not looking at him in the eyes.He continued.

"Ryder." his voice was closer, accent thicker, was he getting emotional too?

She couldn't help anymore, the tears just started to flow free now, unstoppable.The last time she cried like this she was twelve when she split her left eyebrow open because she fell down a tree in the Citadel.Even then her father told her to stop crying and manage it, take it as a badge of her bravery.

Pft, bravery.

"Ryder, please, talk to me." his sad eyes made her feel worse, "I want to know how to help-"

"You want to know?" her voice came out thick with anger, eyebrows lowered menacingly, "Do you have any idea how worried I was?" she took a shaky breath, "How scared I got when I saw the psychopath pointing his gun at you?" 

His sad face changed now, now there was a small smile on his lips, "Ryder," he began, "It is a scar, scars heal-"

"No, no, no, no!Don't make this seem it's nothing!" she stared at him with pure fury in her eyes, tears still falling, "Fuck!Fuck!You wanna know something?" her lower lip trembled, the liquor making her tongue loose, "My mother died before I left the Milky Way, my dad died saving me and I just got back talking to him a few months before the Initiative.My brother is in a FUCKING induced coma!" 

Samantha's voice broke "I've lost almost everyone I care about!ALMOST EVERYONE!" she sniffed, tears continuing to fall, large drops hitting the Nexus' pristine floor, "I couldn't save my mom, my dad, my brother and if he hadn't missed I couldn't have saved you either!" her vision was blurred, she couldn't see him correctly anymore, "...I promised myself I wouldn't let this happen again.The Tempest and my crew, they are my responsibility...and you...y-you pull that s-stunt and-and I have to see the bullet g-graze you-your skin-"

She's downright sobbing now, suddenly crouching down to a little ball, fists in her eyes as the tears come in flows.She is sobbing, not caring if anyone heard it, she's drunk and tired and angry, she wants to wake up and see everything is okay.That her dad is alive, that Scott is safe and that Jaal hadn't almost lost his life.

The silence became unbearable, she thought he had turned and left back to the Tempest.Thinking it was safe, she looked up only to meet his eyes again, so filled with emotion, staring at her lovingly...lovingly?What?She sniffed,using the jacket's sleeve to wipe under her eye, "You are still here."

"Of course I am." he replied earnestly, " he kneeled to her level, the smile never leaving his face,"Are you feeling better now?"

She shrugged, sniffing and not saying anything.

"Crying is good for the soul.It helps." he tucked a loose strand of black hair behind her ear, "Samantha," blue eyes snapped up towards his face, shock written on her features, "I am sorry for worrying you."

She sniffed again, still no response.

"I am sorry for making you feel like this." he swiped his thumb under her left eye, wiping another fat tear that had just dribbled down "The pain I feel for bringing tears to your eyes is worse than the bullet I dodged. Can you forgive me?"

Samantha felt like a little girl again, with her mother tending her scarred eyebrow, talking gently...yet, it was strangely calming to have him whispering those words to her, "...don't do it again." she whispered, exhaustion taking over her body, her forehead leaning on his shoulder, "Please."

"I won't." he began, carefully placing his arm under her legs, rising to his full height with her body cradled against his torso, "At least not with you around." he joked.

She glared at him.

"I am joking." he whispered, "I won't allow any tears to leave your eyes anymore, especially if I am the reason for them."

Samantha blushed a little bit, her droopy form snuggling against his rofjinn, smelling his scent.He smelled like Aya, like the wild colorful vegetation and metal, metal from his guns, metal from the Tempest.It was a weirdly satisfying combination.

"Alright." she murmured, her eyes blinking slowly as the sleep started to take over. "Jaal?"

"Hm?"

"Please don't tell anyone I cried?"

Jaal took a deep breath.While he had no shame in crying, his race was very emotional after all, he made an affirmative sound, "Of course, Samantha."

Her lips formed a sleepy smile, "That's the second time you've said my name."

"Yes, I enjoy saying it."

The human hummed, finally closing her eyes, not seeing him entering the Tempest.Or the crew's stares on them, or Vetra fussing about what had happened.

He just placed her on her quarters, carefully removing her jacket and shoes, covering her up with the trademark initiative blanket: gray and blue and white.Samantha snuggled her pillows, her pyjak quickly cuddling up in her arms, the scene made the Angara smile gently.

His hand tucked another strand of hair behind her ear, his finger gently tracing her jawline before he turned on his heel and left.

There was an e-mail for him in the next morning.

_Thanks for the talk...wanna have breakfast?_

_-Sammy_

He smiled, quickly typing a response.

_Of course.Meet you in five minutes._

_-Your Darling Jaal_

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bit different from the quest line because I am a sucker for drama.
> 
> Grammar and other problems,sorry about that.It's midnight here :P
> 
> This is also my first story here. ÇwÇ


End file.
